`23.
`EGG.
`Virgo.
`Attitude.
`Pms Queen.
`Sensitive.
`38-ness.
`Irritating.
` twentysix.
` POOH.
` YEOWs.
` JIE MEIs.
` RWDs.
` MONEY.
`Hong Kong Trip 2007.
`Sarah Jessica Parker "Lovely" Fragrance.
`2nd pair of Havianas flip flops.
`tons of flats/sandals/pumps.
`Bags Bags Bags!
`LV coin pouch AGAIN.
`E71 mobile phone.
`Coach Wristlet.
`Birthday BKK Trip 09!
`Phuket Trip
`Hong Kong Trip 2010
`GRADUATION!!!
`Adidas Candy Watch.
`Bangkok Trip 08/09
`SIEW XIN CHEE.
`LOOPO.
`SENGET SIEW XINYI.
`QASHaron.
`ONG AH BAO.
`TEACHER PEGGIE.
`SUET JING.
` JANICE.
` AMY.
` Chanz
` Denise
`Candice
` Yiling
` Drea
` Karin
` Tannia
` Zi Ting
` Hui Yun
` Jeslyn
` Joyce
` Pearlyn
` Nurina
` Adelene
` Terence
` Vincent
` Annie
` Rashidah
` Rose
> self-doubt....
> Let it go, girl!
> 柠檬草的味道
> time flies....
> 开始懂了
> STUCKED!
> Unspoken Missessss....
> life is so random.
> I Should Be So Lucky on 14 Dec 2008.
> HERE WE GO!
> 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
> 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
> 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
> 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
> 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
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> 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
> 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
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> 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
> 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
> 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
> 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
> 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
> 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
> 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
> 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
> 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
> 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
> 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
> 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
> 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
> 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
> 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
> 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
> 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
> 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
> 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
> 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
> 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
> 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
> 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
> 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
> 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
> 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
> 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
> 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
> 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
> 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
> 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
> 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
> 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
> 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
> 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
> 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
> 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
> 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
` YOU.
` PEOPLE whom woke me up.
` SUAY-NESS that hit me hard.
Choice or Chance
*When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment is not a choice. That's also a chance. *The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.If you decide to love a person, even with his/her faults, that's not a chance.That's choice. *When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice. **Infatuation, crushes, attraction**
Hmm...some stuff that i came across. Its a piece of valuable thought. Often people got mixed up with thier feelings, uncertainty of thier wants in life. Making chance and choice mixed up. =P I guess i was one of em..*beams*Now i guess its time to clear some mess. I will follow what I want in life. =) I was happy today. I had spent time with my family. A fufilling meal with my dad,mummy and lil bro. We talked too much over the dinner,topics like getting my car license,about my brother's upcoming camp as well as domestic affairs.its warm to spent some time with em. =)
Well, met up with Tong at about 8.30 after channel 8 show for some chatting at the park.It was raining out there hence we were at blk 857 watching tv till An came to join us. Paul, Boon How and Ben joined us too. it was late leaving only paul,an and me chatting till wee hours. Here i am now conferencing with Paul,An and Tong..sleeping soon..having to study for marketing. *argh!* study....focus...study...!!
rwd.26 Yan * xiang tong le*
I want PEACE!! why am i fighting tremendously deep in me? ARGH!! all these shit sucks.I need peace.Eternal peace.I wanna concentrate on my studies now.Exams next week and i am only left with 5 days to my first paper.Focus..... =P
It was a night of tremendous fight for me on the night of mid-autumn.Thinking that i would have just spend my night happily.It was just not the case.I am seeing things i shouldn't have. I know i should not have any more of those feelings but it hit me. Actions speaks louder than words. Some people are just saying words for the sake of those words.Its all bullshit.I heard enough of em.Excuses,lies,honeyed words and explanations.ENOUGH is enough.Stop it. Leave me alone. Get the girl you want now.MEL.Its always the case my assumption is always right.100% true. Fuck off. All i have heard all along are bullshit. Excuses you gave me. I hate all this. i detest you for everything u did. Go and have ur life and leave mine alone!I had pain enough. You ain't worth any bit of love i had for you, any of those i did. I WAS SO BLINDED BY YOU!!
Sorry guys for being such a fool. I promise from this moment i will quit. For the sake of myself and those who still care and love for me. =) *love ya loads!* i have thought it over the night. it ain't worth of me hurting myself and those around me.i will pick myself up bravely from where i fell.that bastard had tormented me enough.i am sick and tired of it. its ENOUGH!!! I am blessed with those around me. Needless for me to say...Jie meis of Bao and Peg, my papa Tong, Paul, An, James and Jason as well as rwd.
I will have the new life I want. I will still be me. The lil happy me. =)
Well, its time for me to move on to my AR revision.Hope i won't fall asleep...*winks*
rwd.26 Yan * xiang tong le..*
classic pic..it was the "er xin tou" i had. *haha* time for some new pics with Tong with my new hairstyle!!
:: Yan ::
Another day of revision of the study week.Place myself at studying OB for three hours.At least i have paced myself to do two of the topics i have skipped.Gonna chiong more tonight after the mid autumn festival celebration.Have to clear at least 3 more of recent topics. =) now i have the sense of satisfaction of absorbing OB.*haha* the notes seems never ending, unfinished.
Now everyone seems so slack.Exams will be over soon.Next thursday....can we get it done and over with??*keke* then i will have my time for some work to earn extra pocket money for my personal wants such as my mp3 player,change of hp,salon for new colours and get myself new jeans and tops! money money money...where are you?? I am broke these days watching midnight shows every week.expenses are so high!! i am born being a spendthrift.i can't stop spending.if i will then it will be the day i am bankrupt or my family go burst.cause my flow of money comes from daddy and mummy. =P i am spoilt.i wun deny.i was this ever since i can't recall...i get particularly what i want in life.this nurtures me to be wilful and demanding in nature.hahaha. sometimes i am that irritating for people to stand me. "Qian Jin" is what i am.*beams*
Now i am relaxing infront of my com, as well as my tv.Waiting to watch "Wo Jia Si Ge Bao". Guess will have to wait for mummy to buy me dinner or waiting for em to fetch me. Today is mid autmn festival and will have to wait for the fellow rowdees to meet up later to have some fun. =) Not even a single soul online now...*boring*
rwd.26 Yan * i am messy, i am ill*
Diagose : Suffering from PMS.
I am pmsing again.what's new? i am known as Pmsing Queen already *thanks to Senget*! nothing big in particular.its stuff all about own's responsibilities and piorities. =( this week marks the start of study week and i have only done up like 3 topics on accounting.i will have to pace myself or else i will die flat during the papers.So may all GODs blessed me.I know i dun deserve it but *fingers crossed*Gonna start my OB engine tomorrow.Its hell.10 topics to chiong which i usualy skipped almost 7 of those lectures!! study ...study... and study...
but..i was so slack revising.reasons?? people were around da house disrupting my pace.haha.it was almost noon when i decided to wake up and msg Tong and Paul.they were discussing if we are suppose to meet for lunch today and some studying at my place.hence, i took the initiative to msg em. Tong decided to pop by my place for some money saving lunch to cook instant noodles for em. He came over at 2pm and we started to get busy in the kitchen where he simply brought extra ingredients from his place which were veggies and abalone mushrooms.* tasty* i loved those mushrooms.they were good and it was the first taste i had. =P Particularly i was the one cooking the noodles lo.haha.it was long time ever since the two of us get down in the kitchen to cook when we used to be F&N students.After the all-noodles-veggie-mushroon lunch, it was supposed to be studying time.As predicted,none of us touched on those notes.Both of us waited for Paul to arrive before we finally get down to our revision. Tong was doing his engineering maths, Paul was flipping through his Tele Principles and i was busy with my accounting.As usual, studying was off about an hour later when Tong fell asleep.Bah Geh joined the sleeep too.Time was ticking away with us watching Channel 8 shows. *beams* it was ten and all three of em left to meet up with some rowdees..An,James and Ben i supposed.
I was back to my accounting notes to practice some of the questions i wasn't very confident with.Now i have stopped for the day to blog. haha.lazy bums are always this way.i was born this way. *bleah* this almost end the first day of my "study week".it sounds the same though except for not stepping out of da house! haha...
well, i am PMSing. this got to me since yesterday.it came to me so suddenly.the thoughts of the past hit me hard.its not the fact that i can't accept.Its rather accepting and not facing it with guts.it sounds so excused.but this is just the case.wonders wonders wonders.... love for love and love for friends.are these the same?? the big answer in me is NO.somehow, i loved friends too strong.I can't even hold those love for my friends.What can be done?To love em less? Love for love is needless to say.I give too much and took too much.This explains why am i in this pathetic state of mind. I know i am being mean and childish. I love to love,I love to hate.This is my nature, i just could not help it.*ARGH* then again, to console myself,i guess i will have to tell myself something..time will heal. *bullshit* i will heal myself.time will not.time will be only ticking away not doing anything. *bleah* Well, I was wondering if my love for those friends in me will be too strong for em.it will get kinda of scary to have so much affection for em. = hope that the ones of mine will be able to bare with me.hahaha. hey! its a fortune ok?? so dun u guys complain!! =)
PMSssss never ends! this biatch is crazy. simply nuts.ignore her.
I am trying to focus!!!! EXAMS!!! it will be Daddy's birthday next week..yet i am so busy with exams! Should take time to get Dad his present as soon as i am done with the last paper which so happen to be his birthday.
Time for some healing session in my own world.... no one to talk!! i simply can't keep unhappy stuff in me..i will burst!! =P
rwd. 26 Yan *i am still ill..*
What a night to end.I suffered from frights before getting home.This had taught me a precious lesson.NEver to get home so late during Sunday nights.Its serious this time round. =
Here goes....After our dinner at CV subway where we took a cab instead of riding there due to the weather, the guys wanted soocer at the same old place, bball court at cp.It was already eleven thirty when we reached cp and they were in for some soccer action.I was there slacking around listening to James' md and went to get drinks for the guys.After receiving phonecalls from mummy i decided to go home.it was already 1am and the guys are still in for somemore soccer.Just as when the guys settled down to to some police patrols, an eerie looking suspicious malay guy in his forties *i guess...* ,approached us.he was cycling rounds before he approached us.obviously he will not dare to do any harm to us as there were almost ten of us there.he was mumbling to us talking about his "life story".Almost none of us pay full attention to him and we carry on with our conservasations. AS the time ticks away,its getting real late and i knew i should have gone home.But i was afraid of this guy at the same time.God knows who is he and what he might be up to.Though i am not those girls with pretty faces and hourglass figures,but its nature for girls to get freaked out easily seeing someone like this. The guys insist that i make a move first,as they will still be there at the bball court with that malay guy around.If the malay guy were to leave,they would give me call in case that guy follow me home.Therefore i made the move home. I was on my way halfway when a call from Paul came. He asked me where am i and said that the guy went off not long after i made my way home. I WAS SO FRIGHTENED!! god knows where is he.I was all alone.The park was quiet and empty with almost no one.I almost cried out. He told me that Jason is on his way. I was so so so relieved when the next moment is saw Jason with the bike. As i turned, i saw that malay guy!!! *HELP!!* he was around the maze and was looking at my direction before Jason came.Luckily Jason was fast to get me! He offered to walk me home due to this situation. Along came James with his bike and Tong running behind. I was so so relieved to see the guys! =)
The expression of the guys were serious and alert.The J twins were scouting around for the guy and Tong was right beside me walking me home. I feel so safe.I was safely escorted to the lift and all 3 ensured that i entered the lift alone with no one else.I was safe home. *PHEW!!* Thanks so muchie guys.. James,Jason,Tong,Ben and Paul !!
This precious lesson is a good one.I will remember for life.Thanks to that eerie looking malay guy.I will watch my back from now on! Kinda of feeling that i am so trouble making to make the guys to send me home when they are already worn out. Sorry guys..i knew i should have gone home earlier. =\ *guilty*
This was the ever so FRIGHTENING way home. *scary!* Still suffers from post-shocks.....
rwd.26 Yan * i am so ill & freaked out*
Same routine for the day.Woke up at noon in a daze looking at my hp msg.it was dated 26th Sep 04, 0514hrs.This was the time i receive the msg.haha.it was Tong.I got home earlier than the rest therefore they had planned to have morning breakfast at 844. *crazy* i was in my sleep that i did not reply the msg.i was in my lala land..*dreams*Hence,after "breakfast" which was my first meal of the day,i was slacking and waiting for time to pass..relaxing.Phone rang and it was tong again.haha.i was shocked as it was meng's place no and the person talking to me was happen to be tong.this exaplains that the whole gang was camping at meng's place after breakfast.i took my own sweet time and went to join the guys. slacking was what we did and a game of mahjong. =)
Now i am here blogging at home as we were planning to cycle all the way to Changi Village.It will be another night riding.Meeting time: 7pm.An,Jason,James,Meng,Tong.i was having second thoughts whether should i go??feeling kinda of extra.so extra. or rather should i stay home?? i will be home alone. =(
Yan......??
Wonder what's got into me these days..i am so short circuit.i tend to flare up easily.*argh* this sucks.totally disaster.where's me?? the Yan that everyone use to love,use to know.I guess its gone and it will not be back.everything changes.I am so hopeless.The only thing in my life that keeps me going will be survival.I survived for my family and those who still love and care for me. I have no guts to face relationships now.I admit it.I chickened out.I want nothing from it.All these will increase nothing but troubles,pain and failures.I have failed too many times in a row.Its so scary.* painsss* my heart now is filled with hatred, disappointments and pain. I wanna move on with my life.I will.
Alright..lets just pray hard that the weather will be fine.its so cloudy out there. =\ Just like me.
rwd.26 Yan *i am so ill!!!*
Saturday. I woke up realising it was already noon and that was rather early as i did not sleep till it was five in the morning.Had my first meal of the day which mummy bought was nasi lemak from 826. it was so sweet of mummy to get two sets for me and peg.then, it was time for some chores again.my first piority will be clearing of any chores before i seek out for the whole day.i have this habit of not staying home often for more than 12 hours which including my sleep. so this explains how "much" time i have with my family.* sads* i have been such a disappointment of not staying by my parents and spending time with them often. my time is being so occupied by school and rowdees. i ought to do much better than this.its time for some changes in life. some good changes that might be healthy for my lifestyle. =) i will try and give the best.
It was first planned to club with my fellow 38s as it is Ling's 18th Birthday.It was called off as no one was coming up with the plan.Clubbing plans will have to wait till exams are over.* waiting...* it will be the last day for me to slack and seek fun as i am getting to serious studying during this study week.i am serious.for once i am sure i am serious.the stress is all around me.exams STRESS! this was due to accumalated skipping loads amount of lectures. =( so its time for me to clear up this mess i have accumalated over the semester weeks.*argh* time for studying!! i must focus this time round.Casting all shit,problems,thoughts or so-called feelings about things aside.i want nothing but peace.No complications,no distractions. =P
Spent this whole saturday with my rowdees mates.Tong,Jason and Mond came over to my place for some vcd watching of The Terminal.it was an unique movie with a creative storyline.Tom Hanks was good.No doubt about it.We had the laughs throughout the movie.But guess what...i fell Zzzzz..it was surprising of me falling asleep over such good show.I was so sleepy the whole day.I am just tired.Sick and tired.The four of us slacked till it was seven in the evening and we decided to switch place over to Chin meng for some soccer action of Man Utd vs Tottenham. Ben,Bert,Senget joined us there.Tong rented the movie Brotherhood and it was the shows i definately would not go for.It was rather catered to guys appetite choice of movies. I had nothing to do so i joined in.It was so bloody,violent and touching afterall.The storyline was base on S.Korea and N.Korea 1950's war,which i have previously learnt in social studies during sec sch days...it was worthwhile watching which simply wasn't my first choice of movie. Then again, i fell Zzz again.I am really so so sleepy.It was so quiet in the room with meng's sis with no one ka jiaoing me. *sweet dreams* the guys were busy watching the match of man utd in the hall.once the match hits 90th min,my sleep was disrupted.Guess who? it will never be other than my papa Tong. =P this time round it was nothing violent but some whispering instead.* surprised*had a lil chat with him then it was time for central park.Waited for the arrival of Paul,An and James and i was not able to keep out into the wee hours.Daddy gave me two calls so i better head home or else...
This merely sums up what the day i have.Seems so routined.Right?i am used to it.this is my life.sick and tired of changing and switching modes of lifestyle.i hate all those shit.instead of loving myself.i hate the things that were negative in my life.i bgan to hate and doubt myself.this is so shit and sucks!!!!can anyone tell me what is HAPPY? what is this?Does it mean i am having fun is equivelant to bring happy?Big question. I am always having superficial wounds all around me.its nothing serious.but the loads amount of superficial wounds result extreme pain at times.this is not i want in life.i knew what i wanted.why is this still happening to me? when will the pain really had its fullstop? its simply enough.nothing will change. the pain will be somewhere deep in my heart,locked.I wil shut it to myself,all by myself. It will never be open again.NEVER.I will bring it with me and move on to my tomorrows.
I need a pill that heals, not a pill that keep makin me ill !! *shattered*
i am still so awake now.Guess i had enough of naps..will be around online to update form others...i will probably get some time off to spend with Mummy and Daddy tomoro... =)
Current mood: Stressed,Uptight, Unhappy. *haizzzz*
rwd.26 Yan * i am so so ill!!*
Freaky Friday!!It was so so so unlucky todaY!! talking about our final marketing presentation ,its a disaster! The movie clip that Adelene have done was all gone.IT did not turn out. The whole group was so depressed and it does hit our morale.We did last min back up fo ran hour and guess what? It still do not work out on that stupid computer at the visual room!! All five of us had to go ahead without the clip and we were all shaken.*sadded* Hey gers, we still did it. We did it with pride. =)
It was so so so not in da right mood for my friday. But, the early release of my last tutorial this sem seems to perk me up. I got home at five and cleared all the chores i was supposed to.Then it was time to chill and get ready for my weekend fuN! *Ding Dong*...it was Tong at my doorstep.Then it was Bao.This two kids came to mess my room!It was fine for Bao but as for Tong, it was disaster. Then we waited for time to tick away to meet An, Meng and Ben to east point for our planned friday night of KFC and pool. It was fun.Fancy clearing only THREE pathetic slow games on my pool table.*haha* can't blame me..i am just a newbie on the block.Those pros did not even wanna take a look at me.*sadded* PLayed the game till closing of the arcade and it was tijme to take a walk back to Tampines Mall for movie, New Police Story. *nice show!!* During the long walk back to tampines, those guys were into "Hei Bai Chey" game.The loser will have to piggyback the winner.Anyway i got piggyback by An and Tong.It was strong of them to be able piggyback this heavy-weighted EGG.*keke* it was so so so scary high up but it was fun! Torturing those guys indeed.haha.
After the movie New Police Story which was one brilliant show that worth my $8.50,it was already 3am in the saturday morning which explains why i am still here blogging about this friday night stuff. Peg's here for the sleepover and the two of us had catch ups to do! not sleepy at all!! i simply have too much to talk about.I have lots to say.Didn't know where to start. =( I AM SO VEX!!! HELP!!!!!
*Tong* eh papa you are so not the you these days.. come to me if you need me ya? always here.
I need someone.Close to me,by my side. I am so weak in there.Losing myself as the day goes by.........why???? *haiz*
rwd.26 Yan * I am so ill*
Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to Tian Nee Happy Birthday to You!! Jie Mei!! Happy 18th Birthday! *muacks* it was so bad of me not having the time to spend this big day with you. *sorry!* We will have it tomoro ya?
Alright, enough of my dedication to my beloved Ms Ong, its simply another hectic day for me at school*wat else*? i was stucked in school till six for my marketing presentation stuff tomoro. it was so stupid to be having this last final presentation on the last day of the sem where everyone else had no assignments to finish.well,i will get all these done and over with tomoro and its time for some chilling moments with my fellow rowdees.Planned activities like kfc ultimate meal,pool and of cuz midnite show. it was never ending midnight shows these few weeks with brilliant shows coming up.at least i get get some time off from those stressful school work this weekend.it will be my study week next week!!* exams stressed*praying very veyr hard to do at least passes instead of my top 25%.i do not deserve any top placements anymore this sem.it was a lazy and slack sem i have.i have been lack of motivation and discipline!! this sucks man!
I have been feeling so bad these few days.I have been sneaking out in the nights to play instead of staying home to keep my family company as well as keeping myself on for school work.*sadded* i have been such a letdown these days.i have been naughty.i am not the good girl in mummy's heart anymore.i am so guilty.i really dunno what's got into me.i really hate myself for being such a letdown.there must be something i can do about it.i shall make up time for my family over the weekend. =) this is my goal for the week!
There are simply too much things running through my mind.Its so messy! i am trying to keep the coast clear.People usually won't understand what and why they do things.They usually dunno what they are seeking for in life and knowing what they want.In these circumstances, human makes mistakes and having regrets. Humans are not perfect.No one is.Its normal and alright to make mistakes.but there just some mistakes that cannot be commited in life. One can forgive and forget.One can locked it in the heart.My heart has been broken.Its empty.But there is something that goes with this broken heart, deep feelings and footprint.Its unbreakable.Its locked with it. Its fine for someone to commit a mistake.But once the trust is broken, everything's gone.No matter how long it takes,the shadow will always haunt.Its me nagging with all these philosophy and thoughts again! *argh* simply had no one to talk to understand.this is what my blog is all about. take it or leave it.
*Tong*...there are clouds in you,clear it.i wan to see the Tong i use to see the smiles on him. =)
*Paul*... take care lar! you are so stressed out!
*Peg*.... Teacher peggie...you take care of urself too.I seldom see ya unless its weekend.Miss ya!
*Bao*...HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!! muacks!
oh no!! gonna copy my OB notes before i turn myself in for bed..its time to return JiaHui the notes soon...*beams*ONce again..HAppy Birthday Bao!! =) busy busy busy me....
rwd.26 Yan *i am so ill!*
Did not have the time to blog last night due to some lateness of arriving home.*oh oh*Met up Tong,An and Jason to return my Honey dvd.The movie was simply brilliant.The moves was surperb and Jessica Alba had this great body shape that result jealousy among girls. I have been out for the past few nights instead of keeping home to finish all my unfinished assignments.haiz.i am really getting from bad to worse.its disaster.i never get myself to focus in my work at all.gonna finish up my BESE online assignment by tonight as well as getting my OB notes copied.Then i will be cracking my brains to work on my final presentation :MARKETING.
i have been so so so busy with tons of unfinished school work ever the beginning of this sem.It will end soon.This friday is the final day i am ever going to go through all these till next sem.*argh!!* but..its time for me to get down to digest those lecture notes to me through the semester exams.i am not in the shape i used to when i was in year 1. year 2 for me have been crazy,hectic and hell to handle the subjects well. its good to be busy and involved in school but too much of it that i can handle.i have my commitments with rowdees too and it was all those relationship rollercoaster emotional ride i have been through tore me apart for almost the past month. *sadded* it was so so so tough.almost had break down if it wasn't for some of em. *love ya* for those who are.
When will i ever going to stop PMSing? i never get rid of those in me*damn* i am so so so vex today simply over matters of the heart again. why is this haunting me like a ghost? why can't i just put down those feelings that i was not suppose to posess anymore?i am all over the place again.i have set to what i want.i knew what i want.why is this coming on and off?or is it just simply i am thinking wat i am not suppose to?it must have been my mind again.its making funny thoughts in my brain that keeps my mood malfunctioning today.* pain!* i am going bonkers thinking of such things again. i need someone!! someone to love!! see..this is what i meant i am going bonkers.can't even think of something better anymore.IF you are out of my life, don't try to step in anymore till you know urself of what you are doing and what you want.so till then, shoo! cause i know we are just so impossible to be again!!*argh!!* this is so yucky!!
gonna get down to my school work after dinner when mummy buys back.for now its time to watch the ever so dramatic San Shi Feng Yu Lu..*potrays my life*.GOD HELP!!! i am so vexXxxxX....!!
U're JUST LIKE A PILL, INSTEAD OF MAKING ME BETTER,U'RE MAKING ME ILL!!!!
rwd.26 Yan *i am so ill!!*
Final week of school.It will be over for sem one this coming friday.*cheers!* but exams is here again.* wat's life?* why do i sound i am an old lady when i am only 18? can't stand myself.its so irritating!!
gonna come up with the drafting my marketing presentation soon.i mean real soon like tomorrow??*keke* just came back from school after comm skills roleplay meeting stuff.it was good and smooth one though. ermm...but i skipped OB again.what's new..had a couple of mates to get my notes.thanks gers!
can;t wait for my marketing to be over and get into the friday movie watching i have been waiting for.Having the intentions to play some pool this friday before the midnight show..any one? Tong was suggesting for KFC at eastpoint then pool there..any rowdees??btw, guys please please cfm ifyou are watching the show with Tong or Jason by Wed!! Senget please please inform ur fren on Thursday regarding the tix booking...no last minute please..thanks! we all wanna the five bucks tix!
Some thoughts to be continued...tonight...
*watching HONEY...its brilliant!*
rwd.26 Yan * fated to be...never meant to be..*
I have been so busy with my weekend! *phew* Lots of stuff happened over the weekend. Good and Bad.After the fun night with rowdees dining at Han's River, playing pool at eastpoint and movie watching at TM, i had another hectic Saturday to kick off my comm skills test. I have ot admit it sucks.This is not so me.I am getting from bad to worse in my studies.This sucks.* argh* i am so frustrated over myself. I can never stop having fun and seeking out. If i am home for the whole 24 hours one day, something is very wrong, really really wrong.
After my comm skills test, i headed home to finish up my chores and rest a lil well till four.Tong called to ask for whereabouts and planned to slack at Meng's place again.Met up with James and Mond to go over for some vcd watching. Ben,Bert,Senget and Peggie joined us later in the night. Watched Cinderalla story and it was so sweet..*touched* by the storyline though it was those fantasizing kinda of thing. I had hell of time with my that so ever violent/irritating and crazy buddy/papa of mine ,Tong.*kidding la..*We are just behaving so much like primary school kids fighting and beating up each other due to some ermm reasons. Such as arguments over whose philosophy is right, snatching of sofa seats and blah blah blah.you name it, we've got it.*haha* its fun though. this is the fun in us i guess.*beams* i suffered from pen strokes, yoga kinda of treatment as well as exchange of beatings. *ouch!*this is how well trained i am in rowdees. tough girl indeed * proud*. fun fun fun!!! let this fun continue ya? I was so sad and guilty of something i did terribly last night. It was a prank i played on none other than Tong.* sorry* I am so so so sorry !! Promise it will not happen again ya? you have ur daughter's word here. =) I really felt so bad to have made him so angry.It was so fierce.This incident made me penetrate deep thoughts about this friendship in us.Its so important in me. I was freaked out as if i will lose my buddy.*scary* Really hate quarrels or any unhappiness particularly in rowdees.This is so disaster!
The night went on with some soccer and a lil drinking session to celebrate Lawson's 18th birthday.Hey my 5yrs friend, Happy Birthday!! Had some vodka around and it kept people from thier ownself.After the drink vodka session, a couple of us waited for An to knock off from work and hanged around at the bball court till 4.30am in the morning.* tired..tired* Had some sharing session with James,Jason,Meng,An,Peggie and Tong.I almost doze off by lying at the pineapple playground with the cooling breeze that hit my face.Guess what? Some fool had nth better to do and disturb me from my quiet moment by striking the lighter by my ear!! I was suddenly awaken by this and it was none other than Tong who commit this action. *yawns*... =P try sth better next time ya? keke.
Oh my...this is a long post!! alright guess enough of my essay writing.I had just finsih my compilation of my marketing plan! it as the last report of this semester!! *yeah* up ahead this week will be the roleplay of comm skills and final presentation of marketing.then its time for some studying.*stresseddd* its here. its time.to get lecture notes started!!
*listening Maroon 5 She Will Be Loved*...yeah she is being loved by you indeed.
rwd.26 Yan * fated to be...never meant to be*
ARGH!! what a day to start off! i am going through mixed emotions!!! again!! *damn* i think this ismy nature andit lives in me.Nothing can change it.*too bad*Well, emotions aside first. LEt's talk a little about my day.Well again,my fri,sat and sun is here, again.Still have my marketing plan to rush! *lazy* been so lack of discipline these days.i am just so lazy as i have been through three days of celebrations which a lil too long i guess.hence,its my weekend to finish off tons of school work! BESE,Marketing,AR,Comm Skills......so many to go still!! exams in two weeks time, yet i am still stucked with all these work. *stressed* now its time to feel stressed after slacking around for so many days.This girl ar..never learns one.She is never going to learn how to set her piorities and responsibilitites.*sucks*
Went to Han's River Table BBQ for a rare rowdees outing after such a long time! * happy*But this naughty girl went to skip her OB tutorial... *guilty* Bao came to meet me at my place around 5 plus and off we set off to meet Tong and Ben to meet the rest at Eastpoint.Took a cab down where the rest have already arrived watiing for the remaining 6 of us which includes Paul,Ben,Tong,Chee,Bao and Me.It was hell of eating time from 7 to 9pm which filled us all up.We have plenty of bbq chicken,prawns,squids blah blah blah...we had lots of ice cream too!!took lots of pictures too.*beams*After the dinner which it was so kind of rowdees to blan jah the sep babies which indicates Bao and Me,Mond and Alex failed to attend due to unforseen circumstances. *wasted la* We spent the rest of the time playing pool and it was my first game.*haha* i fare badly.but it will be my goal to polish up my pool skills! Went on with the night by walking back to tampines to catch the movie Dodgeball.It was stupid but funny.It was totally funny and laugh the freak out of me.Thinking back over the past two days, i have been seriously attacked by Tong,Paul and Jason. *help!* this is so mean! haha but this is fun.The fun we had will never gonna die.Just you guys watch out.
This sums up the wonderful friday i have been through.been awake till 4am as i have to study for my comm skills test the very next morning at 9am.*tired...* Yet i still have the energy to blog stuff.Its amazing.
Some deep thoughts of my own....
heard that you have been doing good.Well, i guess its officially over matter for us.Keep on moving.Love yourself more.I have nothing left but mixed emotions of hatred and blessings for you.take care my dear fren or i should say strangers? i guess i will rather be strangers.I need no miracles.All these never happen to me.I dun belong,you are gone.I should be forgotton.Take care and thanks for the very last time.Congrats to ur new found love. Nothing will erase this big footprint you left in my heart!
I salute to my life.Its my life.Get your life.Nono..you got ur life!
rwd.26 Yan * what's all these shit??*
An hour before 16th Sep is gone. So here's a brief summary of what has happened druing the later part of my day. Met up for comm skills discussion and consultation. My beloved 38s Ms Yuling and Jessica threw me a surprise birthday gift and celebration. =) Love you loads..not forgetting Ryna!It was the first dress of my life.It was beautiful.The cakes from four leaves were just as good as it looks.The heart shaped lil cake i have loved all along and goes with this lil chocolate round cake! *beams* Karin threw another surprise by getting me this lil pooh wallet.Its so sweet and loving of you girl!! *thanks*Spent the whole morning with mates and some discussion after lec at biz park.That's about it till i got home about 3 plus where i happily rot at home.Dear Mummy and Daddy: Thanks for my bday present. Its another set of Pooh's bedsheet. *happy*A big thank you those who sent thier greetings on this day.*gan dong*
All right..enough of my bday stuff..It will bore everyone to death! haha.the end will end in less than an hr's time now.So i am legal 18 me.Moving on with life.What else can i do??
There are so many things in this world that is everchanging.Every moment is so fast. This is life. I am getting inspired by those small lil things around me.Its amazing though.After all these bumpy rollercoaster emotions ride i have through for the pass month, i began to think if all these was necessary?i tried to stop.I just couldn't hold that brake.I wish to stop thinking.My brian just don't work that way.No one is in me.No one knows. I am torned. I am trying to heal.No matter how good i have recovered, the scar is there.It hurts when the day is rainy, when my mind is thinking of the past.This shadow is living with me. =( I am trying to love myself and the peope around me.They are all dears to me. *precious* Praying hard that this 18 in me make me learn.Learn form what's right and wrong, wants and needs, good and bad,love and hate and learn to know limits and the "last times". This girl never learns.SHe is just stubborn who strongly belief in FATE. Her fate lies in her own hands.Let's see how her fate lies......
`Some wishes and thoughts to the ones in me`
*Tong*-- you seemed so moody over things today.u ok?? always remember there is still me with you to share.Cheer up alright? jia you wor!! *huggies*
*Bao*-- girl please take good care of urself.exams near and dun chiong ur project like tat lo. relax girl..always ur jiemei here! * muacks*
*Alex*-- moving on with ur life ya? why are you still sad?? kenna rejected by the new love ar? keke..k lar dun disturb you le..just dun wish to see another one so sad. *winkz*
*Peg* -- hey dearie take good care of urself too.ur lil ones need this teacher peggie ya? *muacks*
*Paul*-- hey dude..why so troubled these days?share share lar..haha.take good care of urself ar, exams lai le. cheer up k? *beams*
ANd to myself... look on to life.I salute to life.Its my life.
rwd.26 Yan *fated to be...never meant to be...*
*Happy 18* my sweet 18!! so gan dong! keke
:: Yan ::
Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Yan, Happy Birthday to Me!! *overjoyed* i think i am just nuts. singing birthday song to myself. who cares? its my day and i shall make my day. I am so happppyyyy. Never been so happy for such a long time!! *winkz* =) Well, had my birthday kicking off with some lil celebration with my dear rowdees. Members included: Ben,Tong,Mond,Keong,James,An,Meng,Alex and Senget. Too bad my jie meis are not with me,Bao and Peggie.but no worries,there is still 22 hours to go!! I will spent every bit of this day with care. Took many pictures and there was one where my dear papa Tong came up with the "HAPPY 18" arranged in candles. It was so beautifulll... * happy* something so special for my 18th birthday gift. *gan dongz* Really can't expressed what is in me now. I am super super overjoyed, toucched, greatful and blessed with these people with me. Not going to forget any single one today! Love ya loads!! *huggiez*
Yan is going bonkers over her 18th birthday.Please pardon her.ITs only once in her life she gets all these joyful moments. They are too beautiful.It seems so loud to boast all about it but its just way happy to be true.She is happy.at least for this day.She is really feeling the happiness today.Its so real.She is happy.For today, for now and for once. *happy!* She still love the ones she used to love. =) It would be all in her list.Alright shall upload those pics we took at the park as soon as its out!! ANother 21 hrs 30 mins to spent for my 18th Birthday!! Shall blog events later in the day.... HAppy sweet 18th Birthday to me! =P
rwd.26 Yan *birthday girl...*
Lalalalalala...hours to go before its strikes 12 midnight.It will be my long anticipated 18th Birthday on this 16th Sep 2004. Though it may seems no big deal to be turning 18, but its will be my legal age to do almost everything. *beams* the same old stuff : driving license,clubbing,smoking,drinking,sex and blah blah blah.. will be celebrating with my beloved rowdees later.hope the sky will not pour!! Wishing all will go well for me..at least from now till exams.*haiz* haven been too good lately..i have to learn to walk out of my depression.its hard and tough.i need people to be by my side.still heartbroken. *shattered* shall blog about the happennings if i have the time later..
Sorrows away for the moment. Wishing simple and peace for my bday this year.. i am still loving the ones i loved all along. you should know who you are.... =) rowdees, jie meis, my 38s, my dear family with mummy,daddy and boon boon. i am sweet 18!! *winkz*
rwd.26 Yan *fated to be...never meant to be...*
Its so terrible!!! *argh!!* haha. i am just so stupid to blog about this. "Sorry"?? what was that suppose to mean?? Damn! its all excuses that i have heard that made me hurt. =) nice one there.
rwd.26 Yan * fated to be...never meant to be*
I am back from school at this point of time. Its damn early as i have self-declare another OB lecture...*winkz* its my profession at skipping lectures.So now i am here to blog about stuff which may be boring, stupid and even senseless.Well i guess this is just who i am. Gonna start my engine on marketing real soon, most probably tonight and i have to clear my accounts tutorial later. i must discipline myself into doing homework and assignments where i have lost that recently. i am finding it back.i should have. =) There are tons of assignments, online quiz, reports, presentations and my marketing plan to clear within this two weeks!! *stressed*have to work pretty hard though its my birthday in 2 days time... *haiya*
Life. Simple word that meant so much.I have been grumbling and hating what is in my life for almost the past month. There have been dramatic changes in my life again.Well, i am just the person who simply hates dramatic changes in my life.All i seek in life is slow and steady with simple needs and wants. Is that too much to ask for? Why it just seems that my life can't be in normal pace and lifestyle. Its so everchanging from months to months and even days to days.I have to face the kind of changes in life with people walking in and out as they want.Its hard. Tough to handle that.Its sad to see people walking out of my life. I simply hate that.*sadded*People simply do not care.Why would they want to walk out of my life and look back right? its simply senseless for anyone doing that.Its so silly of me thinking that someday someone would still care. *naive me*The line is so clear. Obviously everything i have worked for meant just crap.I am not blaming anyone for the cause and result of anything. I am simply holding on to my childish acts.Thats me. I am just left with the consolation peice of advice : " Bu Zai Hu Tian Chang Di Jiu, Zhi Zai Hu Zeng Jing Yong You." Sounds so lao tu right?? *Eeyer*
You must be glad that i have gone.Walking out is what we see as the end.That was simply a nice one. You are just too brilliant. Well done! Assumptions i did. It was right.ITs always been the case.Just knew it.*too bad* i am facing fate and reality at the same time.*argh*
Plans for the rest of this tuesday: Accounting tutorial,Cinderalla Story,Chores and guess will have to pop by the vcd shop with Tong in the night and not forgetting my marketing plan..till then shall pop by again tonight if i have the time!
rwd.26 Yan *fated to be...never meant to be*
13th Sep 2004, Last day of the seventh month. finally those thingy hao xiong di going back le. *keke* well had a dramatic night with rushing the stupid AR project till wee hours with my fellow mates. well done guys!! thanks and love you guys lots..esp hard on you candice!
After the rushing of the night, i happily sleep till 12 plus fancy skipping my accounts lecture which i didn't really mean to *beams*. Then it was time to meet my 38s for lunch and marketing project mates at biz park, my fav hang out! After the discussion, Bao came to meet me at biz park and we were plain slacking till 3 plus and it was time for some walk walk at TM. Got home around 6 plus and done some of the chores. at least now i have the discipline to do my chores and stuff its something i shall feel good about.Not long after i have settled down, a very mah fan guy known as Tong came bugging me about his "Ku Wa Zai" vcd at the vcd shop.Then it was time to go for some ocha session with him, Jason and Senget.Oh ya,i have also ordered a small cake for my 18th birthday this coming thursday. *happy* 16th Sep 2004. Hope that this wed midnite most of my rowdees fellow will be free to spend the night at central park... =] i tink i just love my rowdees too much..sorry ar guys! seems like i very fan hor... *too bad*.
I have to learn to walk out of sorrows. I have to learn to say its the last time. I have to learn to accept fate. I have to be the one i use to be. I am facing it. Its fated. =]
rwd.26 Yan *fated to be...*
Acting cute as usual. *damn*
:: Yan ::
tong,yan and bao. with one *stupid* face around.damn! spoil my pic..*haha*
:: Yan ::
back from chalet. can be interpreted that i have attended and been through the craziest chalet ever. With multiple of drunkards in the house. It was hell of time drinking and vomitting and clearing of the mess. Hope the guys will be able to overcome the hangover after the drinking last night. *jia you* Happy 18th Birthday to Mond and Alex!! it will be mine in 4 days time...
Well, had enough of fun,hurt and struggling after the chalet. its time again for yet another week of hectic school life.with last project in hand to chiong which will be Tourism Marketing. *argh* and last two presentations.then it will be time for some studying to prepare for the coming exams. *siansation*
I think my mind is made up. For the very last time. Its time to move on.Since you have state it all so clearly.You will be forgotten and you will move on.I won't hold anything back anymore from this day on.You have your happy life and i will not be stepping into it. ITS OVER. blessings to you and you should know who.I won't be in your life anymore. No goodbyes needed. I am bruised all over.Enough.
rwd.26 Yan *giving up ...K.O*
911. Chalet time. Won't be back till tomoro after rowdees match. Wonder if the players are strong enough to play the game. *haha* Will be celebrating rowdees sep babies birthday and that will be Mond, Alex , Bao and of cuz myself. Mond and Alex will be having thier 18th Birthday on 12th Sep, Mine on 16th Sep and Bao 23rd Sep. Though its abit early to celebrate for me and bao, but its alright as the most imporatant factor is to have fun on this 18th year of life. Really pray hard that i can really have fun * lots of fun...* will there be?
Alright..won't be able to blog till tomoro evening... *beams*
rwd. 26 Yan
There were so many chances. It slipped away in my own hands.Was there a chance? The chance for another turnback? The answer is in you.
I really miss the days that were so happy and simple. Its too simple to be happy about. Spending everyday with fufillment.Look at me now, ever since its gone, i am nothing but just a useless girl thinking of walking away, hating, upsetting and frustrated over life. ARe we really over?? Is there no turnback? Time we had for almost three weeks. Its been hell time. Real hell time. When will the hell be over? I need you back in my life.Yet you walked out. Why is it that no maater how hard i try, the shadow of you just locked in my heart and mind. There is not a single day these days that i never think of you.Though you might not be feeling this way, but i simply can't take it anymore. What ever you have appeared to be seems so fine to me. It is as though there was so called new found love.was there? If there is please let me know now, at least i know what to do. I am sad now is all because you walked out of me. You simply cannot be bother about my existence. You know what will make me happy again? Its nothing but you.Its naturally for you to be happy then i will be.For now its only you.I am hanging on. Still, you are in my heart, somewhere locked in it and its deep down that no one will be able to take away. * sad* You may choose to leave with the new found love. But take away everything from me. Leave nothing for me.
Birthday is near. Presents anybody??? *hinting* Alright lo, maybe the biggest surprise will be.....who knows?? Praying and praying... CHalet is today. Hope rowdees will have fun. I will have moment of truth soon. *prays* Be it for the better or the worse. I need an answer. =
rwd.26 Yan *waiting........*
I just had no where to vent my thoughts!! so i am here to blog. I dun give a damn to anyone who thinks what the hell i am thinking and doing.I am just hurt badly. Yes i am. I am totally upset, disappointed,furious,torned,lost and full of hatred.I am just hating myself.Its the max. I can never turn back.No matter what i do, it just bring out the selfishness in me. I was born to fail in this. Its a disaster.You made me regretted. Very much regretted to have that little faith i had in you. You turned on me. Indeed, its a great job that you have done.Beautiful.
Time really proves things. Its a magnificant tool in the world. ITs amazing. Time is everything. Either to spoil things or to smooth things. As for me, time is just there for me to waste it and spoil things. When limitations is up, it means its enough.Be a man and take a stand.
I ain't the little girl with full world of beautiful imaginations anymore. Everything i see in you will be nothing but dark. So what if i am that stupid to be in hopelessly in love. Its be blinded. I am childish.So what? If you wanna make me give up everything, let me tell ya you have done it. Beautiful job done. What a big big stab to my heart. Its DEAD.This is to signal you that you are perfectly fine to move on with your new found love. Congrats ya?
rwd.26 Yan * i ain't me anymore*
I am addicted. To myself. =) I have never been in this depression mode for so long. I am just addicted. I love to bring this to myself. Maybe i must be going bonkers or sick or something. Maybe i am just cheap... *beams* Why would anyone care or bothers? Anyway one day i will still die. *bleeding*
Oh well just too mention...my dear sister ms Ong Tian Nee had just something stupid. SHe went to cut her hair which is damn short and NERD lo!! *ashames* Oh my my dear jie mei...i know i had my hair cut too, but you need not cut it shorter than mine you know..!! i don't think i will want to go out with a poly yr 2 student which looks like a primary school kid!! *haha* i think i will have a hard time to change your image and you seriously need one!Disaster man..!
I am still fantasizing over my new haircut with 3 inches shorter and new red highlights i had!! I am just so satisfy with it. At least this is something i can be happy and satisfy over these days. *bleah* But still, there is no light in my life and nothing in it will survive. I see nothing in me. SImply nothing meaningful to live for it. Every motivation i have is already gone.I am just wasting my time. Thats all about me now. Alone in my own world. Its locked.
ps: exams near!! Damn!
rwd.26 Yan *waiting.....*
i am STABBED. right in the heart. its bleeding profusely.
i am so useless. DAMN! why am i in this state? where's me? or this is the new me?
however, i just knew its sooner or later that you will be gone.
Walk out of my life seems to be a routine.
Take away everything.Leave nothing. Its just the big footstep u left i can't get it away.
I am still hopelessly waiting. *crys*
Am i wasting my life? Wasting my time? Wasting my breath?
Everything i am doing for seems nothing. Its all trash.
I am just to much to be handled. I am just torned. =(
DAMN!!!!! *simply had no other way to vent my thoughts, so i blog!*
rwd.26 Yan *empty waiting.....*
GUess we will never be back. *gone* far far away... darker days are even ahead. i know you are moving on with ur life.i shall not hold you back to make you sad and suffer. Glad that you found ur new love. Blessings.
Got my new hair colour and haircut today. This time its 3 inches shorter!! *haiz* No matter what i do, what i think of, i am stucked!! I am feeling so bad. So tormented.I am shattered and torned. Why is this happening? I thought it would hang on. Yet you let it go. Now you are leaving, take away everything from me. Even my love for you. Take it with you and don't leave it behind. I can't take this anymore. Just stab me in my heart with ur bare hands and let me bleed to death. I am breaking down. *weeps* =(
rwd.26 Yan * waiting.....to die*
Depression mode. Can't get out of it. This week is simply too heavy for me to cope with it. *argh!* i am still in pain..tormenting i guess.yet to realise i have lost everything. simply everything.my soul is naked. its empty. that's about me every single day of my life. there is nothing left for me to be kept memories of.i have fallen yet you have moved on.selfish i may be. blessings is what i have for you.
oh my god.AR due next monday.which means we have to rush the stupid report by this friday.what's worse is that i am having presentation on OB this friday and there are simply too much to prepare for. What about my chalet?? *sadded* hope i can get time out this friday evening to settle the chalet stuff.till then...i am torned.
rwd.26 Yan * empty waiting.....*
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Yan in love with her red specs.Irresistable.
:: Yan ::
Counting days : 11 days left. Then i will turn 18. No big deal. I will still have to live with it. Well, i am still the me. Living days without much realising what i am living for. Probably just to waste space and waste the air here. Exams cuming.*ArGH* haven get started. oh my. hope my engine for studying will start as soon as this Saturday chalet is over.At least there is something to expect which will be rowdees sep babies chalet. Stars of the day: Mond,Alex,Bao and Yan*me*. Something that i can look foward in having fun i guess.But then again, i don't really give much hope in being fun-loving as i used to. I have lost myself. I can't find it back yet.As for now, i am still torn. Its agonising.Living days just to waste my time. Seeing the days without you makes me live independently which is so tiring. Knowing ur existence in the air yet i am nowhere to be found in ur chapter of life. someone's replacing. finally i guess. someone came into ur life to replace everything. Its a bless to see you living fufilling with ur life now. *u should noe* I think i will just have walk out that door one day.*eventually* i have to.
*me, myself and I sucks. My life is not a life. Its a lie.*
rwd.26 YaN *waiting....*
Saturday. A lousy one.I have never ever been myself these two weeks. everything seems so messy. I am only a month away from my exams. Timetable out le. But, i am no where at getting the mode to start something.*ponders* sure fail at least 2 subjects. I am such a disappointment myself. Total disaster *damn!*.
There have been too much, i mean seriously too much in me. I am trying to learn. Learning to hold on. Whenever i do, somethings just happen to force me to break free and lose my grip.If ever i was so clear of what i want is becuz of u, if ever i was so unclear is becuz of you. Now, i have to learn to stand on my own. Just why?? Someone is near you. *u should noe wat i mean*. Sometimes i don't need to hear from you yet i know. I just have this feeling in me which is so real. Too real that i can't believe. Since you are happy with who u are with now, i will give you my blessings. =
WHY? maybe still its never ever meant to be. let the past be my lesson. present is already disaster so forget about the future.
rwd.26 Yan * empty waiting...*
What's wrong with me?? I should be busy with my projects yet i am here posting at least twice daily... *sth's wrong*. I am not sure what's got into me. My stand keeps shaking. Its killing me man. If by running can solves everything,Seriously, you will have my blessings. *beams* Cuz it matters no more if i am waiting anot. You will not be back. That's for sure. Its gone ever since the day. *saddening* You seems to move on easy, yet you will haunt me. This is the way i guess. To put me off. Thanks is all i have.
rwd.26 Yan * waiting...*
Depression. I am never happy these days. I lose my temper so easily. i am totally upset by the surroundings i am experiencing.i just can't let go. y? y? y? i knew that it will never ever gonna be mine, yet i am that stubborn enough to hold on. what on earth am i doing? why am i still persisting? i should have let you go. cause there will always be another one waiting. =
i know there is one. just near you. you know it urself. u will have my blessings.
rwd.26 Yan *all the best*
Devastated. Hopeless. Dying. Heartbroken.
Everything is coming to an end. The final ending.Nothing much more to say.Nothing much more to give. FORGET IT! i simply sucks at everything. `f**k`
rwd.26 Yan * u chased me away*
Where am I ?? lost. I am all lost in every direction.I no longer withstand by my own. * argh!* what's got into me?? i am so deep frustrated with myself. I no longer do my tutorials, give my projects the best shot and simply getting distracted in lessons. I simply took my studies lightly. Projects and assignments dued this week and i am no where completing them.where's my motivation? i have lost em. discipline walked out on me.All my mind is thinking will be relaxing and playing.I am guilty. Of disappointing myself so badly.I want my motivation back and i had to find and earn it back.Its pretty tough but no choice, i have to give it a shot before my exams are nearly a month away..*prays* hard hard that i will be able to pass this semester!!
Simply had nothing much more to blog about..dun wanna think much.what's the big deal when 18th birthday and sep babies chalet round the corner? i am totally losing myself.its not me.life is in this way ever since long ago... me,myself and my life totally sucks!!! =(
rwd.26 Yan *where r u?*