`23.
`EGG.
`Virgo.
`Attitude.
`Pms Queen.
`Sensitive.
`38-ness.
`Irritating.
` twentysix.
` POOH.
` YEOWs.
` JIE MEIs.
` RWDs.
` MONEY.
`Hong Kong Trip 2007.
`Sarah Jessica Parker "Lovely" Fragrance.
`2nd pair of Havianas flip flops.
`tons of flats/sandals/pumps.
`Bags Bags Bags!
`LV coin pouch AGAIN.
`E71 mobile phone.
`Coach Wristlet.
`Birthday BKK Trip 09!
`Phuket Trip
`Hong Kong Trip 2010
`GRADUATION!!!
`Adidas Candy Watch.
`Bangkok Trip 08/09
`SIEW XIN CHEE.
`LOOPO.
`SENGET SIEW XINYI.
`QASHaron.
`ONG AH BAO.
`TEACHER PEGGIE.
`SUET JING.
` JANICE.
` AMY.
` Chanz
` Denise
`Candice
` Yiling
` Drea
` Karin
` Tannia
` Zi Ting
` Hui Yun
` Jeslyn
` Joyce
` Pearlyn
` Nurina
` Adelene
` Terence
` Vincent
` Annie
` Rashidah
` Rose
> self-doubt....
> Let it go, girl!
> 柠檬草的味道
> time flies....
> 开始懂了
> STUCKED!
> Unspoken Missessss....
> life is so random.
> I Should Be So Lucky on 14 Dec 2008.
> HERE WE GO!
> 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
> 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
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> 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
> 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
> 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
> 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
> 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
` YOU.
` PEOPLE whom woke me up.
` SUAY-NESS that hit me hard.
:: How Do I Live ::
How Do I Get Through The Night Without You
If I Had To Live Without You
What Kind Of Life Would That Be
Oh I I Need You In My Arms
Need You To Hold
You're My World My Heart My Soul
If You Ever Leave Baby
You Would Take Away Everything Good In My Life
And Tell Me Now
How Do I Live Without You I Want To Know
How Do I Breathe Without You I
f You Ever Go
How Do I Ever Ever Survive
How Do I How Do I Oh
How Do I Live Without You
There'd Be No Sun In My Sky
There Would Be No Love In My Life
There'd Be No World Left For Me And
I Baby I Don't Know What I Would Do I'd Be Lost
If I Lost You If You Ever Leave
Baby You Would Take Away Everything Real In My Life
And Tell Me Now How Do I Live Without You
I Want To Know
How Do I Breathe Without You
If You Ever Go How Do I Ever Ever Survive
How Do I How Do I Oh How Do I Live
Please Tell Me Baby How Do I Go On
If You Ever Leave Baby
You Would Take Away Everything I Need You With Me
Baby Don't You Know That You're Everything Real In My Life
And Tell Me Now How Do I Live Without You
I Want To Know How Do I Breathe Without You
If You Ever Go How Do I Ever Ever Survive
How Do I How Do I Oh How Do I Live How Do I Live Without You
How Do I Live Without You Baby
Yan : How Do I Live? *beams*
Monday Blues. I am suffering form blues ever since last monday.* argh* It was not as though my lessons on mondays are that heavy but i just can't help feeling blue at this very day of the week. Had to clear all OB assignments and reports by this friday which is my group are left with 3 days? oh my gosh..i am just plain lazy to think about it.
Shocked. By the words that was being sound to my ears.No one is born to be good at expressing how they feel and think of. You will be no exceptional.Trust and confidence is what we must all have to work it out. After reflecting for days, i find it hard to belief myself that that was the confidence i had in u. I was selfish. I build a wall between us.The wall to defend myself from not getting hurt.I was wrong.The wall seperate us both. None of us have to be in this way. I had no wish to see us in this way.It was time for us to rest but it was not time to give up. I never wanted to see you go. The life without ur existence meant empty.It was all good from the appearance but it was all just an excuse. Hiding myself was i did. I understand your side of story, but all i have to say is I am not strong to face all these.Do not walk out of me.Don't chase me away.We can face it together.It will be hard but I did not give up hope on us. Did you? After all these days,i have faced you honestly and directly.I hope you will too. Time is all we have left now. I really don't wanna see you gone. We can work this out. Will you? *wonders* Sometimes humans are just complicated animals. You need not be one.It pokes me when i see us hurting each other. You are hurting urself. Stop it. I am still the one waiting. *bleah*
alright alright....enough of my own stuff. simply had nothing to blog about. life without much of the need to blog. I AM STILL HERE!!
rwd.26 Yan *waiting.....*
Saturday. My beloved weekend. This weekend is nothing of difference. Minus the existence of you. Alright, the day to begin by accompanying Tong to have his haircut. *troublesome* guy ever.Need 3 people to escort him to bedok to have his haircut. Paul, Albert and I ran along with him for lunch then it was time for some chores clearing. Then it was planned to pop by none other than chin meng's place for some slacking time and mahjong session with Bah Geh and co.
This explains why i had the ample time to blog here.*sian* life's been like that ever since dunno when. It was only last saturday that i recall going to Orchard. *haiz* Tons of things changes, i mean FAST changes. I bet life is still the da same with or without my existence. Its so clear of what will be ahead.Needless to explain anything,i understand from every bit of attitude,thinking and words being told to me. It has always been the case. It never will worked out.Be it now or future. I always failed. *weeps* alright, enough of all this shit. its all done and over with. i am just the same old Yan, the rwd.26 in life.Its all about me and nothing else but me. *bleah*
*listening to Maroon 5 "She will be loved"....* nice! =)
rwd.26 Yan *u r running*
REST. Is rest or lost? Its only three days that things have been changed and that i have learn through so many things. everything that happened for a reason which allow me to understand more.though its been too hard for me to take it but it will be a lesson worth learning. the price to pay is *high* though. i am hurt.this time is different as i have learnt by being hurt.i will prove time to be worth waiting and learning.just not wishing that time will let us fade away.till then, everything will be gone.not leaving anything even the most cherished moments here. i seriously have been through tons and tons of thinking and digesting each and every bit of things that was said, things that had happened. People may whisper gossips about it,but i see them as just people who are just trying to complicate things for us. I simply can't be bothered about it. *no offense* It was once told to me that "Have more faith in urself", i learnt the way to have more faith in both u as well as me. you made me belief in u,dun let me fall on u. As much as u do not wish to hurt me more but u have to understand that it does not take u to hurt me, i can hurt myself too.Yes, its true we have come this far and you have hurt me hard. Still, something in me keeps me waiting and moving on.Its really far.We will start from scratch. None of us knows what lies ahead. You may be gone again.I have seen in clear. After being bankrupt this round, i would not learn to gamble again. I will learn to take my stand and clear in mind.
Every moment is different. It changes. People, things and feelings changed. Cherished what is the best moments and locked it somewhere deep down inside ur heart and let no one take it away. Its toally urs and no one elses. ARGH! i have been so vexed these days and yet i am here sharing all these nonsense blogging at my own blog. *stupid* anyway...if no one minds, ponder over what i have wrote, if its just plain nonsense you think it is, simply do not bother! *shoo*
Thats it for the day! No school tomoro!!
rwd.26 Yan * changed me*
Day 3 : Waiting. Preparing for the worse.
There will be an ending to every story.
This story ends. Another shall begin.
Life still goes on
Its the matter with u or without u.
I shall be fine again one day.
The life i used to live without you.
rwd.26 Yan *hopes fallen*
:: Waiting:: this moment will be the time for us to rest off. I will learn what you have said.Problems do not surface till the moment of truth. realised that it has never been a one-way street. it takes two hands to clap and the problems that surfaced were not jsut something in you. its the both of us.you are not clear now, so take ur time to think about it. there can only be two possibilities: (1) you are taking this time to give all up (2) you are taking this time to clear ur mind and thinking solutions to salvage these. dun feel stress about it. the simple u think, things get simpler. i see it as a normal transition we are both going through. come to me, i am always here to listen. learn to open up and do not assume that i will feel sad about it. i told ya that i wil not. i assure u this. do not be afraid to hurt me. its a must.do not face this all by urself. we can face this together. i am here. i will be waiting for the you to return. *beams* no wish to see us ending off like this when we have come this far. its not worth of us leaving everything behind.we will get stronger and sure of each other if our mindsets and phobias are clear during this period of pitstop.i will still try and wait for the day to return.be it for the good or the worse.let me know and hope you will take care. *worries*
Wednesday: Bad weather.Its been pouring since i have stepped out of my house this morning.What a gloomy day. Nothing's is the same. Its time for some thinking and settling down of mindsets and thoughts before everything move on. I guess we will have to take time and rest. Its my second day of another new change,
Its hard for one to try to open up its hearts and thoughts. I guess we are just being put through a test. Efforts had to be put in for us both to pass the test.I will still be here waiting.
Now stucked at the school lab attending the boring AR!! its so bored and it just turns me off... *argh* hope i am able to pass time off...every minute is just like an hour!! *gloomy*
rwd.26 Yan *waiting*
:: Have You Ever ::
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna to change the way the world goes round
Tell me...
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry?
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking?
I should know, 'cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I finally realized It was forever that I found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round
Tell me...
Have you ever loved and lost somebody Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry?
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking?
I should know, 'cos I loved and lost the day I let you go
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even thought the moment's gone
I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round
Tell me...
Have you ever loved and lost somebody Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry?
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking?
I should know, 'cos I loved and lost the day I let...
Yes I loved and lost the day I let...
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go
rwd.26 Yan
Tuesday: First Day without skipping lectures and tutorials. Managed to attend all lectures till 5pm and went to met up with Bao, Peggie,Keong,Tong and Ben for Ocha.Guess what? We were all caught in the sudden downpour and all of us were drenched. *argh* i hate getting in the rain as my hair will be so stiff and soiled. *yucks* as i treasure my hair as my life...*seriously* It is also my first day of changed life. Adapting to the changes ain't easy at all.Every minute seems to be like an hour.Praying everything will turn out fine and things get on well.I supposed its not tough for ya to carry on?Counting days...20 days to go.will ur life change? will someone pop by and say hi? will it all be over by then? please...a big nono is all i am praying for. *fingers crossed*
ABSENSE MAKES MY HEART FONDER, WILL IT MAKE UR HEART WONDER?
alright then, its so early of the night and i am wondering how will i pass the time off. By doing accounts tutorial? its so sian to face accounts again... but there is nothing else i suppose i can do other than doing my comm skills and OB report. Projects,projects and more projects!! all i want now back in my life is those Simple days!!! I missed it!!! who knows what am i going through? well, its just a stupid act of mine again. *stupid* enough to be true.there is nothing else i can do except waiting for days to passed and thoughts to be straightened out. *prays*for now, its time for dinner.... *seems tasteless*
rwd.26 Yan *tasteless life*
Its time. Time for pitstop after the racing so far.Things are falling into pieces and unclear.Its time for us to be sure of what we want. In this whole time, we will be like nothing else but strangers. It will be another level of test. I hope its worth the effort of doing so.
I may appear calm. But i am fear. The fears of you running away. And it will all be gone. =( hope the simple days will be back after this cloud is gone. SIMPLE DAYS, i want it !!!!!!
Praying hard things will be the same in this thinking period.* fingers crossed* PLease don't have a change of heart or feeling. It will kill.Since the day u came back into my life, i am at risk of being hurt by you. its all along. If you wanna hurt me again, be fast. then i will die better without much pain. *sad* dun let this time be a time of running away.its so far here.its deep enough to drown you and me. i need you. ps : won't be blogging much after this. simply have nothing to blog about anymore.
rwd.26 Yan * shattered pieces of me*
Regrets are all i am left with now. Regretted so much. I am damn useless. Oh god help me. I wan my simple days back. This is killing. No painkillers will help. I am so so so sorry. I am still me. Don't leave me behind. i am into pieces now. shattered pieces.
rwd.26 Yan *i need you*
what's the problem with me? *sad* i am so sad today. emotions fly. i am broken. thats all.
This is Saturday. Woke up late this morning. Due to late night after gathering from chin meng's place. Initially planned to accompany Tong for his haircut but that lazy bum called it off the last minute.Waste my time lor. Already fixed time for you then put my aeroplane.*haha* After clearing up my chores, its time to relax. Plan A: Cm's place for AVP vcding. Kakis like Tong, Jason,Mond,Seng,Charis, Chee,Ben and Senget. Plan B: Orchard. Kakis like Bao, Peggie and Alex. Did plan B first then plan A. This is what i had for my Saturday. Got my wallet, the one i targetted on. *happy* Had a round of mahjong game with Mond,Tong and Meng with me and Mond drawing the game,Tong lost the game*weak lo*. It was around 1.30am when i got home with Daddy nagging.*argh* never ending. Thanks to Jason who sent me home cuz it was 7th month and i was all alone...thanks dude !
Superficial thoughts.Had a rollercoaster ride this evening. Ups and downs. All thanks to myself.I am really lousy and useless at this. So sorry. hope both of us will pull through.I dun wanna gif up hope. wat about u? Its you who brought me this far. Keep going ya? I am still here. U there?Its just more than words to say. I never failed you. Do not fail urself cuz it will shake my confidence in you. Be positive for the sake for me.Please. =
rwd.26 Yan *are you there?*
Weekend's here.Guess what?I am home! What a surprise.No programs.Mahjong session at chin meng's place seems bored and i will be walking home alone in the late of nights at this period of the month.*creeps* hence, its best to stay home.Initially jio Tong go park for a chat and drink, but that lazy ass wants to camp at home. *Tong*this time i jio u is u dun go out hor.So...ends quit. Maybe its best to stay home to think things and sort my own thoughts after pmsing too much. =
who will understand what i have been through? its not the thinking of giving up but its rather on the thought of how to move on better. things seems to have froze and changed that i can't feel anything and recognise my surroundings. I am BLINDED. reasons? unknown. I am nothing but just a faliure.I never succeed in anything.I am damn useless.I am just lousy.Lousy enough to be ur laughing stock.Can't even make you happy. Simple thing like understanding and trust. Friends.Is all that you want. Message taken. Instructions will be followed soon after. Friends are forever.Only friends leave footprints in one's heart.you left a big one.
This kinda of feeling rocks. Time to get things started. Clubbing life should soon start. First stop: Chinablack.The day will come after 16th Sep 2004. *Jessica* wait for me!to be ur new clubbing kaki!all right...looking foward to that day. As for now, I am really really really LOUSY. never ever going to be good enough for you. LOUSY PIG. =
rwd.26 Yan *LOUSY PIG*
Lovely thursday i have. With the minimal amount of lessons which is the one and only Applied Research lecture.Had lunchwith my usual kakis, Bao, Paul and Alex .Been slacking after my marketing group discussion and went home for the day *happy*. Thinking for tomoro the shaggness came into me. Having lessons till 5pm and still pondering if i should watch AVP. Firstly, money matters as i have been broke since the spree on tuesday. Secondly, my mum bought pirated vcd of AVP, hence it will be money saving if i am not popping it in the theatres. Thinking back not having time with my fellow rowdees make me feel like going.* confused* two voices running in my head!!
Been thinking too much lately.It was an rollercoaster ride for me.Ups and downs.Thrill ride indeed.It seems that things have much of quiet down and it may seems that i have been thinking too much. *hahaha* going bonkers that i am not sure what am i talking about. Hope it does not bothers you much though. Everything is fine. =) It will be a long long *tough* journey i guess? Another fruitful week gone. More datelines coming.....*argh* Anyway hope everyone will "Chu Ru Ping An" cuz its the lunar seventh month. Be cafeful if you guys having late nights just like me.
Weekend is near. Guess there is nothings else more to do then slacking with my fellow rowdees,*you wun be free anyway* and popping by their yet another anticipated match. All the best guys! ps: play better as a team this time lar, dun draw, must WIN! =) anyway feel like popping to orchard again for movie show at Lido and makan at my fav place, Marche. It seems to be yet another task to accomplished by saving up pocket money.it will be soon to prepare for the sep babies chalet with bao, mond and alex. hope all rowdees will have FUN, i mean real fun and quality time this round! look foward guys! 11th Sep 2004, Sat.
rwd.26 Yan *butterflies in stomach*
Did not even had a good night's sleep. Been tossing and turning the whole night pondering over the words you said. What's most irritating will be the swollen patches on my back! *argh* its so yucky! Manage to go to the doctor after lunch with Alex, An, James and Tet. It may be due to allergy is what the doctor told me instead of bed bugs. Hope these bites get over soon.It spoils my mood afterall.Got home after the visit to doctor and catch a good afternoon nap as i am officially on MC, missing my 2 tutorials and i am feeling so bad.Hope i do catch up with my studies after slacking for so long. Guess i would have to disiplined myself and not get affected by some "infectious virus" out there.
=Thoughts=
Things have changed. From the start till this moment, its everchanging and i am struggling to adapt to these fast changes.Feel like i am a chameleon, changing all the time.Pondering over the words you told me. How i wish i could do something about it but it seems all useless and pointless of me doing anything. Walking away is all i can think of. If i walk away, it just shows that i am weak and all i can think of is giving up.You told me to hang on while i see no point in doing that as both of us will fall even deeper. Afterall, this whole thing has been only a wishful thinking of mine to think that you care and you were there. But now, it seems so far away and i feel no existence of you in me. Running? Hope is what you gave me. I am giving back to you. honestly, i am not holding it any longer.Gone. Maybe its time you clear all the things in you. Its too complicated for us to move on. =
rwd.26 Yan *where are you?*
I have been rather naughty today skipping two lectures just for my spree at Orchard.But...its worth it afterall. Been shopping for only an afternoon whcih is not enough at all. It was some time spent with my jie mei, Ah Bao finally. Both of us were like crazy girls shopping like there is no tomoro. We spent almost all our shoppingat Far East level one, the same shop known as Vivie. The stuff there are pretty lady and retro with cheap prices compared to similar shops offering the same stuff. Its really worth every cent i spent today. *happy* bought a new skirt, a new pair of shoes as well a new watch and a pair of fishy cute earrings. What is still wasted is that i have no budget to get the wallet i have targetted on today at heerens! its still consider cheap at only $19.90. its the retro type with my fav Green colour. hope i can get it as soon as i have the money again..or it will be best as an birthday present? * beams* *hinting liao hor* haha.
Feeling kind of tired after the spree at Orchard wif Bao and came back tampines and meet up Alex for dinner at around 7pm and slack around till 8.30 till i got home. Feeling so satisfying today!! Haha nature of me: Shopping is the best. Time for some change and get into girlish type of dressing instead of my norm, jeans and t-shirt.hope it wun scare people away? i am not that lousy right? or am i? =\ no wonder no people want me lar..got to do sth serious about it before i am left on the shelves.
= thoughts =
Thanks for the things you have done. Still can do better ya? haha. At times i really feel so lousy and useless. So unimportant as i am always the last on the list. am i? god knows.
rwd.26 Yan
feeling nothing but tiredness early in the morning when i woke up. bet i did not have a good night's sleep afterall.first day of another hectic term with more datelines to meet again. *argh* had my accounting lecture with my soul somewhere near my bed *too tired* to pay full attention to the lecture. thinking of BESE presentation turns my mind off too as i have not really prepared for that. Anyway had lunch with my members as well as Alex and Paul. As time flew by, it was time for some serious rehearsing of our roleplay before BESE class starts.
The whole roleplay turned out fine and surprisingly we ended class early at around 4.45! amazed as Marilyn's group will be presenting next week with Wilfred on mc today. Went to meet up Alex and Paul and it was time to head home for the day. Just could't go anywhere with me wearing suit around.haha. It was some time with family for dinner as i have missed the good old days i had with my mumy and daddy. Intend to drag them to ikea someday for some furniture shopping soon...*time for them to spend money on me*. =)
Now i have been relaxing myself with some tv programs and blogging time. Time really flies and another day has just gone.Intended to finsih my accounts tutorial but i am too lazy to do that. Anyway i will be popping to Orchard tomoro! finally!!i have booked ah bao for my day at orchard. its a deal but i will be naughty girl again *skipping lec*. haha. Its still alright as i will be able to cope with OB lecs anyway...so its time for Orchard after rotting at TM for so long..keke.Time for me to do my other stuff like packing up my feelings? kinda of suffering from swings lately. trying to heal myself. time is all i need for things to work out i guess.. time to chaozzz...for a better tomoro!
rwd.26 Yan =
It was an exciting and intense match for rowdees this week. Opponents were fierce and steady. Maybe rowdees are not on form today. The team doesn't play to its fullest. Reason? Unknown. Well it turn out to be a 2-2 draw game with Chee and Tong scoring the goals. *tyco one lo* esp the second goal. Its ok rowdees will be back in action next week! wait and see.
After the match, it was yet another mahjong session at Chin Meng's place. Haiz we are getting from bad to worse, having frequent mahjong sessions. Almost the whole gang was there gaming PS2, mahjong and slacking. Members included Ben, Tong, Mond, Albert, James, An, Alex ,Senget, Bah Geh and me. There were a total of 3 rounds of mahjong games that kept us at meng's place till 12.30am. It was time for home as all of us will be having classes and its the first day of the seventh month *creeps*. take care everyone. oh ya, thanks for sending me home * gan dong*. this is another slacking sunday with fufillment. =)
Another term break gone which is damn fast. Its time now for more projects and exams. *argh* First case of the new term will be my BESE presentation that will be a roleplay. Can't even think of my script for tomoro's play.oh gosh. time to Zzzz and wish for my better tomoro!
rwd.26 Yan
Beautiful saturday. But it is wasted as i am sick. *argh* sian and no mood to go out or even slack with my rowdees. Planned to do some work such as my apel assignment and some chores. My house will be having mahjong session again but it will be my family game. Its been quite some time ever since i have catch up with em. Its time for family though as for today.
Anyway, rowdees will be having another match tomoro at 11am. This will be the first program for my Sunday. =) hope that my flu and cough gets by fast. I think i will have to pop by the clinic to have my skin checked. I have no idea what bug bit me and left me with big swollen patches that itch at times.Oh gosh, this really sucks. I am so messy these days!! yucky yucky and yucky! *sad*
Feel kinda of low today with flu cough and swollen patches.The day is so gloomy and lifeless.
Dying to pop by orchard within the next 2 weeks.The itch is killing me soon....
Check out my new skin! *winkz* but having problems here and there and hope i can get it done real soon. Seriously need some comments for my new skin. so guys pop over to my chatterbox!Personally, my life is kinda of messy now. Hence its time for me to learn to adapt to changes i suppose. This would then make me move on. =)
*rowdees* sorry for not meeting up today...really need some rest! Enjoy ur Sat!
*for ya* dun brood over so much..cheer up alright? enjoy ur sat! =)
rwd.26 Yan
Chapter One: A New beginning.This marks the day. Friday 13 (dun be superstitous) though but its the day it starts this chapter.A new chapter. =)
Final day of my term break...Argh.Siansation.Well, supposed to be down at orchard yesterday but the plan was postponed today.But, i am not anyware near orchard at all.ArGH *sad*.its been ages since i pop over to orchard.The itch of going down there is killing me.When can i get my chance to do my shopping,even if it is a window one? Kakis? PLease contact me asap! Went back this morning to school for some BESE discussion and i have to chiong for presentation preparations for Monday.I will leave it for tomoro as no plans for my Saturday yet. Its time for midnight show with my fellow rowdees tonight, watching Twins Effect 2. Hope it will be a nice one compared to House of Flying lameness *Daggers* la.Looking foward to tonight's show.. =)
Still down with flu *argh*.When can i have peace with my block nose? its so irritating man. left with nothing much to do except clearing up my APEL assignment and BESE presentation stuff. Leave it till i am in da mood to clear them all.Haha.Thats me.
Thanks for being part of life. Cherishing the moments.Let the fear vanish in you. I will be here. *beams happily*
rwd.26 Yan
Voices running in my mind.Been thinking since dunno when. Things are getting from bad to worse. Maybe time's up. Time to pack up my feelings and go.
=Clear=
Clear of what is near
Be sure of the fear
Road is unsure
We are far from near.
End is the choice
I made for U and I
Its the same all along
U have never been in this before.
Tears shed hopes gone
What's left in me
Those that would not go
Its so cruel that u have gone.
So be it.End it simple. =\ take back all you have. Bye.
rwd.26 Yan feeling so high.
Blues Blues Blues is the day of mine.Really not in da mood to write anything much.I choose not to say out is not to complicate things. Simple answer is all i want and need from ya.
= HOPELESS=
Promises are nice to hear
Actions are hard to be kept
Trust was all it takes
Yet i lost in you.
Losing you is part of life
Having you was a dream
Dreams are not part of life
It can never come true.
Thanks for making moments sweet
Though short but beautiful
Cherished the moments i did
You may forget but not me
Time is ticking away slowly
You are going away swiftly
No words needed feeling it takes
For me to know it clear
Force is not the nature of love
No happy ending for this love
No point hanging on anymore
Let it go to make you free
Words copyrighteD papayamilkshake INC
ARGH!!!! anyone for help? its killing me. i will die soon.do attend my funeral k? i will be blessed in my coffin.
rwd.26 Yan
the most well taken beautiful fireworks. its too beautiful. love it muchie.
:: Yan ::
me with the beautiful fireworks.. should comment that the person who shot it had skills..right? love it.
:: Yan ::
reading magazine while someone shot it.."nicely taken" i supposed? *ahem*
:: Yan ::
fireworks of NDP 2004...nice?
:: Yan ::
Its time for some write up after missing in action for 2 days. Well, its Singapore's 39th Birthday on August 9th.Happy National Day! Had my day spent at "aunt's" place as her place has live fireworks watching. Its so beautiful. Though fireworks have short lifespan,but they lived beautifully. its my second year watching fireworks in the row.its real beautiful time. keke. it was quality time spent. With bbq, singapore idol episode was a good one making me laugh like nobody's business. Fun was never-ending as i did not went home and stayed overnight at aunt's place. This explains why i did not have the time to blog.it was once in the lifetime the national day i have spent.
well, only got home around 7 in the evening when mummy and daddy fetch me home. Home sweet home! its time for me to settle down and have clear my stuffs after being away for so long.did not manage to meet up rowdees for national day as they all went to meng's place for mahjong and televsion watching. its ok, we will still have time to catch up.as i will be able to enjoy my term break for the whole week. hope i can get to orchard this thursday as i really died to do some shopping there after missing in action in that area for months.argh!
=Thoughts of the day=
Cherish the sweetest moments.The shortest moments may be short yet beautiful. trying so hard to think simple. are u happy? i sense it not. sense its all going to end before it starts. sense that u are going away once more. tell me its not. the fear in me is growing. its a bad sign that i wish to deal it away. if u are going away again, let me know it now. love is simple. let it be simple. =\ ...
not in da right mood as yet..chaozzz..
rwd.26 Yan
Begin my sunday by watching an exciting soccer match of rowdees.It was an thrilling and worthwhile match with a bunch of "uncles". At least we drew the match with the score of 5-5. It was a long time comeback match for rowdees after a long break.An scored the first goal followed by 3 goals form Khia Seng and the final goal which drew this match was from Albert. "tyco de" Haha.
Went home to sleep after the match and it was time for some vcding and mahjonging session.Haha well this time Tong and I drew the game,Meng lost a total of 9 bucks to Mond. Senget was busy playing his new game and his own blog.After the long game of mahjong, we head for Meng's house for soccer watching of Man Ud vs Aresenal.Damn.Man utd lost. *argh* its been a mental torture day for me. Haiz.
I think i have made a terrible mistake which i regretted alot. what done cannot be undone.It seems like i have lost it.Thinking back, its still best to think simple. Sorry is what i have to say. Didn't mean to doubt it.You don't sucks.Its just that i really hate myself and being so useless. i sucks to the max.its just that i miss u lotz.I felt so unwanted and lonely.No one seems to care or bother.I have been isolated honestly. =(
Not in da right mood.Useless papaya afterall.
rwd.26 Yan
Everything is so wrong with me these few days. Argh..hate it. Almost screwed up my weekend. I am still wondering if i am really changing for the bad.I began to feel a little demanding towards you. I am sorry. Didn't mean to. Its just the insecurity i have that makes me behave this way. Its time for some reflective thoughts of myself. Will get better de la.No worries. Just need honesty.No excuses needed. =\ All that is need to be done is giving me the faith and confidence in u.I am aware that u are scare and that i am scare too. If this phobia in us stays, we will never get there. Think simple.I am still here.
rwd.26 Yan
Saturday.my simple weekend.Hardly got up at 10am this morning and went for breakfast at 826.It was a nice breakfast.Typical Saturday market,kopitiam and the kway chap that i missed.Head back home after saturday breakfast and its time for saturday chores:mopping the floor.lazy to do chores but its just part of my duties to help out around in the house. good ger rite? i knew it myself lo *winkz*.. I was home the whole afternoon slacking the time myself and waiting to meet up with rowdees for movie at Tm. The village was what we went for. The story was alright i should say that its not kinda of suspense movie i expected. At least its worth it better than The House of Flying Daggers.
We headed back to central park for some chatting time at the playground known as watemelon.it was simply rowdees time and we were like so noisy playing catching.*Childish acts* as we had nothing better to do.Then,something great happened.I was attacked.Culprits by the names of Paul,Albert,Tong,Senget,Meng and Seng. *weeps* lucky it was kind enough of Mond not playing with em. I was stucked helplessly by the hole of the melon seed. but guys,better watch ur back lo...i will have my revenge one daY!
That's about it for my simple saturday.Its time for Zzzz again as we all have to wake up early for rowdees long anticipated match. yeah! at least some healthy activity finally instead of rotting and mahjonging. =P
=Thought of the Day=
Simple.Sometimes its hard to be.I am trying my best to be.Will u still be there? Sometimes its hard to understand thoughts.all that can be done is more understanding and trust i guess.hope i am not blind this time round.prove me right one day. dun fake the feelings if ur heart is not in it. no excuses wanted.honesty needed. =) Think simple. will we get there? Good question that requires just a simple answer.Dun complicate things cuz it will bring nothing but pain to urself.so guys, learn to think simple.
Gonna Zzzz le...simply lazy to tink about it anymore. Nitez.
rwd.26 Yan
Mahjong game lost. Total of 25 bucks.haiz.its the big time ever.without any CHA HU classics or stunts.beginning of my weekend.Went to JYSS for national funfair and saw a couple of familiar faces like Mr Lee, who used to teach me combined humanities,Mr Yap who used to teach me P.E and Ms Quek who used to teach me Literature.Then it was time to head for a "sudden" mahjong session at Paul's house with Mond,Albert,Meng,An,Bah Geh and Boon How. Haiz, not going to play mahjong anymore. Its always disaster.Bet that my shareholder is gonna kill me*ahem*, which is none other than Alex. No movies for me le lar..No money le.this teach me a very good lesson which is...gamble less.And never gamble with Paul's mum.She's a pro afterall.haha.
Blogging at this point of time waiting for the guys to finish thier game.Its exciting.Will be heading back to CP for the night of soccer,chatting and some drinking.Hope it will clear my blues after the mahjong game and with some catching up to do with my fellow rowdees.I miss the days so much. With tong,keong,an ,paul and lots more to share problems and have fun at the same time. =) looking foward to this kinda of time again. Its way to go this weekend with movies,soccer match coming up. Till then...gonna ChaOzzzz....
rwd.26 Yan
Finally i have clear all 5 lecs for OB.Haha dun even know will pass anot.All i did was reading through and understanding those chunck of theories. Pray hard *fingers crossed*. Managed to have some time to blog at this hour as i will be going to bed soon.Cannot tahan anymore. Only manage to sleep for 4 hours last nite after some unhappy thrashing out and stuff.now its over. feelings swayed into the lastest song of Jay Zhou, Qi Li Xiang.Its soothing. =) Had a rather slacking afternoon at home "studying".hahaha.had a guest around the house that distracts me form studying and Huan Zhu Gege part 3 caught my attention too.HEnce, lec notes aside till around 5pm.It was peace then and got myself studying at least 2 lecs of OB. Till around 7, went to Tampines west Mac for 20piece nugget promotion dinner. We are trying to use the coupons before it expires and get wasted.this is a true singaporean i should conclude myself as. It was a FULL dinner. Took a free ride home and relax myself by gluing to the tv programmes. it was 10pm when i relunctantly took my notes out to study again.now i am doneded and ready for bed any moment. Zzzzz...
Well,things are being thrashed out. Uncertainty still lies within me.But with true love to go, risks shall be forseen. If fears of being hurt and hold back of investing in it, true love shall be nowhere.This is what i have learnt. Communication has to be there. Trust has to be there.Feelings has to there. Its been long time ever since i ever feel this before. Will it be near as u said? Or just simply not wanting me? Status maynot be everything to it but its a simple thing that i can ask for. If u have ever think of me, think about it. =) Continue it shall be but still wanting the chapter to being.One day. Be there. Be happy.Be simple.
Did not meet up with my fellow rowdees for quite a few days le.Kinda of missed the day s when we had the nights at Cp. Guys! soccer tomoro night...then we can gather again. keke. enough of blogging...off i go Zzzz... =)
rwd.26 Yan *ZzzZzz*
rwd.26 :: rwd.28
:: Yan ::
"You Pig!* *ahem* let me introduce you to papayamilkshakes INC...
:: Yan ::
Red Specs: I am loving it.
:: Yan ::
two obssesed crazy "specs" girls
:: Yan ::
loved papayamilkshakes
:: Yan ::
Oh my god. Accounting gone.OB to go.Can't balance the balance sheet!Argh! Overall the paper was alright.Multiple of careless mistakes.Didn't catch a good sleep last night.Was on the phone till 2 i guess. I am not even aware of the time as i was already in bed.Last thing i heard was the "ding dong" of the grandfather clock.it striked 3 am.bet that was the time i got into my lala land.Woke up in a daze at about 0745hrs when mummy started walking in and out of my roon tidying my clothes for me.So jia lat right, 18 yr old girl or shld i say lady, still needs mummy to do all those clothing chores.heehee. that's me. lazybones to tidy.but when i am in da right mood, my room will be free of untidiness and rubbish. =)
Simple days still continue though.yesterday was one complicated day.thats why i was so not in da mood.but who cares? no one. can't think of anything last nite.it was a nightmare.just like multiple daggers stabbed into my heart.heart was weeping furiously last night. but.....feeling kinda of better now but not yet recover.PAIN.Fairytales are all illusions.Don't believe in em le. Nothing come true.I belief only me.the simple myself.Alright enough of my bad day i had yesterday. Argh...let it past. Look foward and continue the simple journey.
Gonna study on OB soon i think.6 lectures in total.How am i going to die with that.Skipped 4 of em. Noe nuts about it though its all about Organisational behavior. Personality, Perception,Motivation and blah blah blah..... haiz.the lazybones in me start to work liao.meaning i am lazy again in this blazing afternoon, trapped in my room facing this computer.too lazy to study. =P but thinking i have to chiong all 6 lectures full of nothing but words and theory, feeling damn stressed! alright hope someone get me started, motivation is all i need now! OB here i come! *sian* last paper to go.then i can have the taste of weekends again.hahaha.my fav of em all. Rowdees were planning to go for a Sat eveing show "the Village".Looking foward to it, think it will be a nice show,way better than House of Flying Daggers *lame show*,i suppose.Its time for fun and relax soon. Oh ya Jyss having fun fair tomoro.Hope that we are going back to pop by and have an update of my secondary school.Wonder which rowdees will be avaliable...hope most of us go back as one.Bet my teachers wun even recognise me. *ahem* thats becuz i am more ermmm....u shld noe...lady-like? pretty? nah..i am not that studious anymore lar.really gonna admit i was a real goody 2 student back in Jyss.keke.now? goody no more.skipped lecs and slacker for now. =) alright that's about it now...gonna take a rest on my cosy blue blue bed. hope to have a little time later in the night to blog. ChaoZzzz...
rwd.26 Yan =P
term test moments neared.still blogging at this time.intending to practice a few questions later.then off i will go to bed.Zzzz...solves everything. What i fear is OB.cuz i have skipped 4 lecs in the row.haiz.what to do? missing people yet no one cares. Suan le lo. =\ Nitez....
rwd.26 Yan "papayamilkshake INC"
So sian.stuck at home at this time.1615hrs.Bao having her test endindg at around 1700hrs. She jio me for an Ocha session which most probably i can make it. Sadded. No feel to study for my accounting test.Managed to flipped through both lecture 4 and 5 le.Haiz.Some stuff got into my head but think will have to do extra practice in the night.ARGH!! stuck at home. what can i do except complaning here at my blog.Miss you though.
Think will have to forgo my dinner le lo. Nvm. SERIOUS diet. =\ Alright that's about this not so beautiful afternoon.With the sun blazing up in the clear blur sky..
rwd.26 Yan papyamilkshakes INC
Finally. i got myself a new blog template. nice?? haha.its those ah ger type lo.i will be changing now and then with the much help of Peggie lo.hahaha.got myself another new thing. my blog name. from this day onwards, it will be http://papayamilkshakes.blogspot.com. noob that what i heard from James and An. Nvm. Deep in my heart i know its not.This papaya milkshake thing is a long story.Too tired to mention.keke. =P
alright enough of promoting my newly styled blog.some stuff about my simple day.Woke at 0730hrs.Mission: to give a person known as Carrot his morning call.this guy never wakes up on time for his lessons.hence it will be safer to give him morning calls.When i heard his voice, it simply sounds that he is awake with no more lines like "5 mins,5 mins". Then, i went back to my sleep without second thoughts. Zzzz...all the way till 1200hrs. Switch on my com and went back to lie on my bed. Thinking of plans for the day. Called Senget and An for lunch.it was the same routine and An was suggesting to study for term test. yet Paul and Carrot suggest to mahjong. =) sounds great. we were planning to "study " and mahjong at Chin Meng's house but he has lessons till 2130hrs.so sad.hence, change of plan. Senget wanted An and me to accompany him to see skincare doctor somewhere near Carrot's house. So we were planning to pop over to Carrot's house to study. But his papa resting at home,so we dun wanna disturb his recovery.Plan B: Paul's house. Gave him a call and off we are to his house.Took bus no 8 and arrived around 1530hrs.Slack was all i did. Carrot and An were busy GBing while Senget,Paul and I were lying on the two cosy beds.this was the simple slacking hours i had till its time for mahjong! had lots of fun today. quality time with my bunch of kakis. oh ya, none of my Cha Hu classics today.I played with full caution.in the end.An and i drew the game.Carrot lost 6 bucks lor.So sad rite.haha Paul keep winning this week lo.Its kind of unhealthy to be mahjonging so often these days. =\ Ended the game at around 2015hrs. Carrot had to go home for his beloved CS training. WCG coming i supposed.i sound pro in gaming rite.but i noe nuts about em. its true. Senget,An and I went home with the opposite direction of Carrot.Took bus no 8 back to Tp east gate and walk to Ocha then 829 for fried rice dinner with An. Met up the J brothers,Jason and JAmes. They were studying at my blk while i take down my CSA notes for Jason.Finally got to settle down at around 2330hrs when i got home.Online and On-da-phone. Carrot down with flu.Take care la! This is the simple day i lead today. Simply happy about it.
=Thoughts of the day=
Simple.This day marks happiness to my fairytale.So simple to be happy about. Waiting for the chapter to being.Praying the simpleness in all these will bring me to my fairyland. =) Cherishing simple moments.nothing else. Oh ya, did not see my papa Tong for days le.Kinda of miss him.Used to have him everyday.See till sian lo.Now so busy with his sch and work.Hope to see ya soon Tong!Missed Keong too...Missed Bao too...Missed Peg too...Miss You too.. =D
rwd.26 Yan *You PiG!*
in love with my red specs.totally obsessed with it.
:: Yan ::
1236hrs. This is the time i woke up.after my 5 hours of sleep from 0730hrs. it was all becuz of one call from a person name Tong. nothing in particular. asking me for my whereabouts.it was thanks to him that at least i can wake up on time to meet Peggie and Bao for lunch at Tp. Funny rite. No sch,no term test for me today, yet i am making my way back there.maybe this goes to show how much i love the food back there at Biz Park.Gonna start my studying engine tomoro before it gets too late.OB is what i have to start first cuz there will be like 6 lectures to be covered yet i have skipped 4 of em.So bad rite.can't help it.i am just being too slack these days.must chiong le lo.but no motivation for me chiong so hard.bad ger i am.
fancy blogging now when i have no worries about projects this week. but test is on its way. Aug 04 and Aug 05 is the big day. Accounts and OB.can i make it? certainly i hope i can.well, spent my evening with my jie meis, Bao and Peggie and of cuz the so-called "cuteguy", Carrot. Was planning of going Genki for makan yesterday. and here we are at Genki enjoying sumptous dinner of sushi and sashimi. it was yummy. oh ya fogetting the at i am on a SERIOUS diet lo. but sushi and sashimi no harm right?keke. had my first taste of sashimi in my life.it was REAL GOOD. its so sweet and juicy.Yummy! all thanks to "cuteguy" for his good recommendation. all 4 of us was busy enjoying the sushis we took.there was like total of 18 plates of sushi that we ate. with multiple orders of a sushi known as DIY. its my fav of em all! i have tried new taste of a sushi that has fried ebi on it and a somewhat like california roll with salmon skin in it.now new on my list will be Sashimi.i am real full with the sushi and sashimi dinner. so happy =) guess what? no more bad hair days for me! i got the hair straighterner imported from our neighbouring country, KL. my previous got rosak a week ago and i have been complaining since then with my bad hair days. though lots of em say it was not. all thanks to "cuteguy" again. real big Thank you to ya!! Ai Si Ni Le la!!keke. He has all his connections and networks to get things done. haha.walking friendster indeed. i was so happy again. haha. lalalalala.....=p happy happy happy.....
=Thoughts of the Day=
its just the simplicity i want in life. this is what i want. so simple to be so happy.why live in the world of complications? simple = happy. this is all about it. stop thinking of complications that lead nothing but pain into my life. i will think simple. simple enough to get the happiness into my life. you can be simple too. let us be simple to be there. =)
love do not dominates.it cultivates. you are the answer to my prayers and be the chapter of my fairytale. i have put in to make you there. i feel you here. its enough. i am happy. =) thanks for every little things that had happened. be it the good or worse. Wo Hen Gan Dong. Xie Xie ni. Like you said its near. Hope its near. Be decisive for once. Give me hell if you have to,bring me to heaven if you want to. I know there are more to come.be it the happy or the sad.but i am prepared to be with you to face them all. this time it will be different. =) Simple makes the day. Simplicity = Happy. Let "happy" live in you. Smiles* Hope the simplicity lasts till i drop.keke. =)
feeling little happy in me *winks* =D rwd.26 Yan
Rain.Rain.Rain.Raining non stop for the whole night.it was cold. i was now home yet. first night out without advance notice. oh god. i know i am doomed this time round. it was 6.15 in the morning when i woke up at Meng's house. James and An were studying for thier term test while Paul, Meng Alex and I were happily sleeping.it was a good weather to sleep. keke. till it was 6.40 am, my phone rang. 678***** appeared on my phone. home sweet home was the name. Doom. Parents yelling over the phone at me. haiz. what to do. why am i a girl? that's what they are worried. cuz i am with a bunch of guys. but they are rowdees.who ask parents to be still "dead" brains. though i admit they are quite open in their thinking compared to lots of parents out there. still. i love my mum and dad. well, i was naughty last night for not coming home. i am sorry mum and dad. hope they will still understand.
that's all about it. a long night out. really enjoy this night. it was a night of my life. now i am still tired. wanting to take a nap. but with two empty vessels making noise in my room. Bao and Peggie. Who else? haha. alright, planning to go TM later again. gonna take a rest and off i go to bath. Oh ya, got to study liao lo. sian. term test week. all the best for all fellows out there taking term test this week. mine on thursday and friday. Good Luck! =) rwd.26 Yan
it was a good mahjong game though. with my classics again. does this live in me? blurness on the tables of mahjong. so pai seh lo. its always my stunt and classics.bet my shareholder couldn't stand me lo. =D basically this is what we did after the mahjong game at around 2.15am::
lol... todae nothing to do at hm. then we eat at 7pm.. but i neber go la.. coz got somebody meeting mi.. :) after i meet with rwd they all.. we go to cm hse to play mahjong.. haha.. play till beri late sia.. dun need to study 4 exam one sia.. power..!! :X while playig mahjong..i CHA HU AGAIN...!!! wtf rite.. its my classics. edited by AN
rwd.26 Yan
mahjonging at Chin Meng hse at this hour..keke. Senget,Paul,An,Alex,James,Tong and I. enjoying slacking this sunday nite. On the tables are An,Alex,Tong and Meng. I did another classic. Which is all time classic. CHA HU. oh my god. and who's my shareholder? none other than Alex. haha. now he is using all his tactics to win the game. =)
all right that's about it.got to zhao liao. senget will be updating his blog now....
rwd.26 Yan
bao and yan.i am just in love with my own new specs. going gaga over it.haha.
:: Yan ::